The Throne Room (9-22-2009 12:16 AM)

I need to talk...

I don't know...

I just feel like I'm supposed to say something. Maybe everything...

I don't know...

Because you're the only one. I got nobody else...

I can't go to them. Maybe him for one thing or her for another but...

You're all I've got...

Remember that time my best friend had to die. All I could do was cry and say goodbye. I never cried like that ever before or ever after. I through myself on the floor and cried until it sounded like laughter. And I cried because I was mad. Furious, really. Like my soul was on fire. I felt like everything around me was fake and all the people were liars. But there you were...

But you didn't have to be. You feel me?...

That's just the thing. Most people don't even realize. But I did. It may have been a youthful, naive interpretation but it all added up to the same summation. I got it then and I get it now. That why I feel moved to let you know the where, when and how...

I still don't know...

I feel so alone. Nobody really gets it, and I'm the type of person who usually never sweats it. But lately, it's been bugging me. There's millions of little demons inside that have been tugging me. When I sit down to try and close my eyes to relax, I always come back to realize the simple facts.

Remember when I hit the ceiling because my whole world flipped around? You were there and heard me talking, but I never made a sound. That's how loyal you are. What's kept me talking thus far. You knew my hurt, you felt my abandonment from reality. You literally bridged the gap to stability from insanity. Never asked for nothing in return. It's why exclusive rights to my trust you have earned.

But lately I've been feeling confused...

I don't know...

What the hell am I doing here?...

No, I mean like "here"...

I know I came to you, that's why I am asking what to do...

You have to help me out, I'm having doubts. I wish that I could say it all was fine and that these feelings will begin to pass with fleeting time. The truth is they always come back, sometimes things like this tend to. It's what they do. A bag of unresolved issues, I suppose. What is it they you propose?...

Well, there's plenty I regret. Well, not regret. Let's just forget...

Mistakes are what make us who we are. I've come this far, have I not? Let's just say there's somethings I wish I forgot...

Not a lot just a few, I think this conversations nearly through...

I'd like to just drop it. Please, just stop it. I've gone over that stuff a million times, can't you see that I'm fine with it all? Trust me if I wasn't you would have got a call...

But not about this...

I told you: I don't know...

I guess I just needed to vent. I can do that can't I...

Because you're the only one who understands why. With everyone else I have to veil and hide my words. With you it's out an open like the trees and all the birds. I came to you because I got nowhere else I want to be. This isn't home, but at the moment, it feels like the closest thing to me...

I wish I could tell you exactly what I feel...

I know, and trust me, I feel like a jerk. I feel like something is just stopping me, like something bigger here's at work. Or maybe something smaller and obvious, plain enough to see. I came to you for fresh eyes, but I guess, after all, the same things we always see...

Well, it's a swelling up of everything. I feel like I could puke it up, its irritating me. Like I'm splitting inside and the feelings don't seem to subside. As much as it has thrown me off, I think I may want this schism...

I don't know...

Maybe I'm not meant to be just one thing. After all, this conversation is something, right? Doesn't seem to make much sense, but here we are. And her I am. But I guess what's more peculiar is there you are. Sitting on the same end. Thinking one way as I think the other. You're something somewhat, yet somewhat not quite a brother. Something different altogether. We weren't always this close, but I'm glad we're together. I need you now, maybe even more than ever...

I guess I'll just retreat to my dreams. They've never lied to me before. But you already knew that.