Heaven Pie

One thing you'll never hear me say

One claim I surely will never stake

"I am perfect, flawless, infallible

incapable of making a mistake"

I wear no powder wig, I don't sit and judge from high

I do not wish you were more like I

It's more the opposite in fact

the beauty you nakedly bare is bold

The truth you let speak for itself and

the grace in your face is as good as gold

So maybe you have secrets or closets full of bones

Your past is cast with ghosts who wail and moan

You tried a few things the got to moving on

You sat and listened and skipped to a new song

You had some fun, and baby, there's no shame in that

'Cuz when its done no maybe games, no comin' back

So don't take me for no cop, I got no jurisdiction

I made my choices, I took my steps with conviction

I'm walking contradiction, I never made much sense

I've won and lost it all now only pockets full of cents

I been around, I've seen some things, I've pat a bunch of backs

I looked around and took some notes I gathered up the facts

And, dammit, don't you know I still don't know a thing

Haven't figured out a lick

Sometimes I sit alone and stew in my thoughts

Listening to cuckoo cuckoo clocks tick

I've been shattered in two, then broken in four

Been smashed and mashed unrecognizable across the floor

There's been plenty of glue and tons of to-do

Lots more than cosmetic work to get me to the point

Where I can stand in front of you

And say, "Baby, you're the one! My evening star, my morning Sun!

The marrow in my bones, the blood in veins!

You're the first and last thing that bounces through my brains!"

You're the cool wind that carries life across my face

With you I know that home could be any place

As long as we're together

So if you can ride with a jealous guy, then honey I'm your man

If you could use someone to have some fun I'll try everything I can

Now, let me see you smile..

Who loves ya...

2/5/2010

In my last attempt to sway I've these final words to say

The desperate plea, the swan song decree

These everlasting love cries to you from me

It was the first when I knew I would, that I knew I could

In your eyes, your floating hair, the way you move

While waiting spies who dared not care, resolved I was to prove

Up high upon your floating fort in the clouds I wish to court

Too regal and royal to ever gaze a glance

So bold I dare only to dream for a chance

God to kiss you skin like silk

To run my fingers down flesh like milk

the whites the pinks the flush and blush

Your smile a mile I crush to rush

In this I bid my parting adieu

I hope and wish you think this through

With one more step I am surely gone

Only regrets to show for love forgone

12/7/2009

Where are you little soul

In the dark and down the hole?

Have vile hands come steal you away

Took you from nest and led astray

What of your light that warmed the home

Soft footsteps wander, walk and roam

The chill that swept the openness

Where 'goodbye' came with no kiss

Have you someone to keep you safe?

Have you become a suffered waif?

O, gentle face! O, tired eyes! Come home I pray to thee!

Your little soul is grand, indeed, and means the world to me

10-7-2009 1:14 AM

Well I could fix the pieces if you give me the time

I could write you a story and verse every rhyme

And sing it to you during bouts with doubts

There's forgiveness for every crime

You don't need to fall to your knees at night

To cry in your bed when you turn out the light

I'm here with and ear and I'm telling you clear

I'll hold your hand while you overcome the fright

Don't waste your time wishing deep into space

That star is too far to gently brush your face

You're dying inside and maybe need to confide

Let me walk with you through to a safer place

I can tell you sure that I'm built for this war

Been tested in mud spilled buckets of blood

Spoke every prayer sang every psalm

Screamed every curse hid my face in my palms

It's lonely there and I can sympathize

Allow me just these moments to emphasize

I'd walk with you every step of the way

Remind you at the light of every new day

Never was there a sweeter song than you

The Throne Room (9-22-2009 12:16 AM)

I need to talk...

I don't know...

I just feel like I'm supposed to say something. Maybe everything...

I don't know...

Because you're the only one. I got nobody else...

I can't go to them. Maybe him for one thing or her for another but...

You're all I've got...

Remember that time my best friend had to die. All I could do was cry and say goodbye. I never cried like that ever before or ever after. I through myself on the floor and cried until it sounded like laughter. And I cried because I was mad. Furious, really. Like my soul was on fire. I felt like everything around me was fake and all the people were liars. But there you were...

But you didn't have to be. You feel me?...

That's just the thing. Most people don't even realize. But I did. It may have been a youthful, naive interpretation but it all added up to the same summation. I got it then and I get it now. That why I feel moved to let you know the where, when and how...

I still don't know...

I feel so alone. Nobody really gets it, and I'm the type of person who usually never sweats it. But lately, it's been bugging me. There's millions of little demons inside that have been tugging me. When I sit down to try and close my eyes to relax, I always come back to realize the simple facts.

Remember when I hit the ceiling because my whole world flipped around? You were there and heard me talking, but I never made a sound. That's how loyal you are. What's kept me talking thus far. You knew my hurt, you felt my abandonment from reality. You literally bridged the gap to stability from insanity. Never asked for nothing in return. It's why exclusive rights to my trust you have earned.

But lately I've been feeling confused...

I don't know...

What the hell am I doing here?...

No, I mean like "here"...

I know I came to you, that's why I am asking what to do...

You have to help me out, I'm having doubts. I wish that I could say it all was fine and that these feelings will begin to pass with fleeting time. The truth is they always come back, sometimes things like this tend to. It's what they do. A bag of unresolved issues, I suppose. What is it they you propose?...

Well, there's plenty I regret. Well, not regret. Let's just forget...

Mistakes are what make us who we are. I've come this far, have I not? Let's just say there's somethings I wish I forgot...

Not a lot just a few, I think this conversations nearly through...

I'd like to just drop it. Please, just stop it. I've gone over that stuff a million times, can't you see that I'm fine with it all? Trust me if I wasn't you would have got a call...

But not about this...

I told you: I don't know...

I guess I just needed to vent. I can do that can't I...

Because you're the only one who understands why. With everyone else I have to veil and hide my words. With you it's out an open like the trees and all the birds. I came to you because I got nowhere else I want to be. This isn't home, but at the moment, it feels like the closest thing to me...

I wish I could tell you exactly what I feel...

I know, and trust me, I feel like a jerk. I feel like something is just stopping me, like something bigger here's at work. Or maybe something smaller and obvious, plain enough to see. I came to you for fresh eyes, but I guess, after all, the same things we always see...

Well, it's a swelling up of everything. I feel like I could puke it up, its irritating me. Like I'm splitting inside and the feelings don't seem to subside. As much as it has thrown me off, I think I may want this schism...

I don't know...

Maybe I'm not meant to be just one thing. After all, this conversation is something, right? Doesn't seem to make much sense, but here we are. And her I am. But I guess what's more peculiar is there you are. Sitting on the same end. Thinking one way as I think the other. You're something somewhat, yet somewhat not quite a brother. Something different altogether. We weren't always this close, but I'm glad we're together. I need you now, maybe even more than ever...

I guess I'll just retreat to my dreams. They've never lied to me before. But you already knew that.

10:33 PM

I named him Jeremiah, after the song

After so long chasing in the yard I held him in both hands

Because he had a name I started making plans as I walked up the stairs

The name he bears made me smile, the back porch felt like a mile

Just as I was instructed, I brought him in for all to see

He walked up to me and had a look at it in my hands

He knew my plans, he saw them in my child eyes

To my surprise he created a calamity

It was vanity made me cry

Jeremiah, like he was made of bombs, covered the walls

The fight spilled in the halls

The calls to stop came from all around

Lower to the ground I shrunk as my rage grew

I knew not why

It was vanity made me cry

How my plans could be so important made no sense

Pulled from the tense moment to a drawn bath

The wrath was incomparable to anything within reason

Search for a reason on the edge of the tub

My back she did rub but couldn't quell the deep

The anger I keep, the fist that I shook

I took a moment to breathe because I could not speak

My eyes did peak open tearing of sheets I could hear

Covered in tears I laughed for a delirious minute

Noticed I wasn't in it, but Jeremiah is still all over the walls

10:14 PM

Smile and Smile and still be a villain

I guess there's still enough space for you to find to creep in

Where you can inject yourself into

Still plenty room after all the shit that I been through

Wipe the sweat from my brow

Lots of hustle and muscle to get me standing right now

Still the rage is on a drip

I got a wicked tongue and still a blade is on the tip

Weeds are relentless, man, I never can be rid

Still growing through the cracks after all the pulling I just did

And have done, back burned from the sun

Hours at the wheel I'm thinking maybe I should kneel

To the pain, let it seep into my brain

Let me take a hit and sit, let it numb me like cocaine

Let it re-trigger the drip

Let me re-figure this trip

But I know I'll lose my bearings and I know I'll lose my grip

So I'll take ten deep ones, "this, too, shall pass"

Remind myself sometimes weeds grow among the grass

Remember that the negative reciprocates

But the positive regenerates

The hate and the angst will return all favors

and The love and the chill is something to savor

So I'll throw the trash out one more time

Like I'll do a million times more

Remember, there is reason to the rhyme

The win is earned in the fight not by the final score